Loneliness, homesickness, and stuggles.

Going off to college your parents are going to tell you the same thing thousands of parents tell their child. Don't party too much, do your homework, have fun BUT NOT TOO MUCH OF IT. If you're lucky enough to be a girl your parents get a little more descriptive when they talk about this "not too much fun" nonsense. That isn't important, what is important is that your first year of college will be YOUR first year of college and different from everyone else's.

There will be these people who just blossom. Maybe they're apart of a Greek organization and they're instantly surrounded by people who love them. Maybe they're an athlete and apart of that elite group on campus that you don't just get to be in but earn your way in. Maybe they just know a lot of the people here and form their own posse. Whoever they may be or whatever they may do, some people flourish better than others; and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you're like me you will be on the other spectrum. The ones who are too scared to eat alone in the cafeteria and don't go to any of the on campus events because "who will I talk to?". So, you don't do much and make a few friends and kind of hang out but probably never get close because you don't want to hang out with their friends because what if they don't like you, and it's just better to stay home.

Whatever side you're on, you both struggle. I'm sure everyone feels loneliness and suffers from being home sick, I don't think you can avoid it. It isn't easy putting yourself out there and I give props to the people to do, I'm sure it wasn't easy for them either. All I truly know is that moving out on your own is like free falling and everyone who's done it told you about how fun, liberating and exciting it was, no one tells you how scary the ground looks when it's coming towards you.

I can't speak for anyone so I am going to briefly share my first year of college; I'll write in greater detail later on. So, my first year was lonely, sad and I think I took the full nine-ish months to settle in. Like I said earlier I was too shy to do much, so I stuck to my boyfriend (we will call him "My Guy") and let him be my only friend. That just didn't work because if you only have one friend at some point you're going to get tired of you're friend, or they won't be there, and you will find yourself in a situation where you have no one to talk to. My first weekend of college I had to stay on campus because I had a job and My Guy didn't so he went home to be with his family. For the first time I felt loneliness. For the first time I sat in the shower and cried so no one would hear me. For the first time I felt stranded. Those nights happened frequently and every Friday a dreadfulness would wash over me because I knew soon I would be alone. I don't think I got brave about feeling lonely. When you move to a campus or attend a college the administration gives you resources to seek help if you feel depressed, the problem is, is that they can't make you go and get better. Around mid October, early November, I felt my first night and day of depression. I felt the dark hole that you seem to fall endlessly into. I felt the knives stabbing my lunges when I tried to breath after crying for hours. I felt how heavy my own limbs where when I tried to reach my arm out to check the time on my phone. Yeah, I felt it all. It didn't really get better but it soon got easier to just get up, go to class, go back to my dorm and lay down. I couldn't help myself, even if I wanted to I couldn't help myself. I wouldn't tell my family of how hard of a time I was having because my pride was too high and I hated asking for help so I just didn't and I stayed locked away in my tower like a helpless maiden waiting for her prince. Truly, a lot of who I was I lost; I still don't have all of me back. That's the short version of my first year, I never got brave and I am still broken from that year. Somehow I did get stronger, and for sure I got smarter, I joined a sorority and am pushing myself outwards.

Being lonely is the last thing your parents expect will happen when you go off to start this adventure. Most of the time I imagine our parents see these really excited and outgoing young people and think "She/he is going to do so great, make so many friends, and start their own life". But, no that isn't the way it works for all of us, and we have to prepare ourselves of that. We must prepare ourselves for the homesickness and feelings of dread and loneliness. If your freshmen reading this and you already feel that loneliness, please join a group and become apart of your campus. I know it's scary but it makes it better. Go to the counselors on campus or call the hotline numbers if you truly need someone and are too embarrassed to walk out of the counselors office. Get yourself that help and talk to your parents, let them know this is hard for you because unless they did live on campus they don't know it's hard. If you're a senior and going into college and you want to feel at home then prepare yourself to be apart of something, Greek life, a sport or the many random clubs on campus. They are all there to help you and find your home on campus! Living on campus isn't so scary as long as you just give yourself the extra help you may need to feel at home. If you're living on campus and you're feeling lonely, you're not a freshmen and you feel like it's too late to be apart of something, please know it isn't! You have the whole world at your feet, you just gotta step out of your dorm.

HOTLINES YOU CAN CONTACT IF YOU REALLY JUST NEED SOMEONE:

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